Friday, December 23, 2005

Light at the end of the tunnel for Hollywood?

After its worst year since 1991, Hollywood is ready to strike back next year. Major productions are on the way, which are expected to re-vamp the box office. The liberal agenda will be pushed to new limits, since it seems to be the best way to connect with the American public.

Just kidding :-) Actually, if it continues the same way, while wondering why their revenues are lower and lower, but blaming them on ticket prices (people always complained about movie tickets prices), state of the theaters (actually, they look much better and cleaner now than 20 years ago) or DVD sales (in case you don't know, there were plenty of VHS tapes before the DVDs), I bet Hollywood will have to file for Chapter XI bankruptcy protection pretty soon. Blogger David Burge of Iowa has a very funny suggestion list for 2006 releases. You should better read it, but here are some highlights:

  • Incident at Amity: Steven Spielberg directs this cerebral remake of Jaws slated for summer release. Insiders say the 31-year update will feature “additional points of view” and “be less judgmental to sharks.” Starring Willam H. Macy as the anti-shark fundamentalist, and Tom Hanks as the Great White.
  • Baby Doc: Jamie Foxx stars in this biopic about Haitian civil rights activist wrongly accused of despotism by LA police.
  • The Vespa Diaries: Romantic revolutionary scooterist Pol Pot (Lysol Phoenix) and US intellectual Noam Chomsky (Matt Affleck) find gay rainforest love in this Cambodian remake of ‘Roman Holiday’ that had Sundance audiences cheering.
  • Angel Soft This: In a shocking and sometimes humorous indictment of the toilet paper industry, filmmaker Morgan Spurlock documents the ravages he suffers after 30 straight days of non-stop buttwiping.
  • Fearful Deadly Fear: Blacklisted 1950’s screenwriter Damon Runyan (Tim Robbins) writes a secret screenplay about the the McCarthy-era blacklists, in this 1950’s blacklist drama set against the background of the McCarthy era blacklists.
  • Cold Humpcrack Creekwater: Two retarded Gay cowgirl sisters (Rene Zellweger, Jenna Jameson) defy a fundamentalist sherriff (Hovercraft Phoenix) and discover love in this 1930’s period piece set in the Appalachian outback of Nebraskansaw.

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